


Have A Little Faith

by languageismymistress



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Leonard Snart is a structural engineer, Lisa and Len are siblings by their father, M/M, Married Couple, Mick and Len are brothers by their mother, alternative universe, prison break crossover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-11 13:54:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5628946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/languageismymistress/pseuds/languageismymistress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry Allen had his life set for him. He had a loving husband, good career and was home in time to see the particle accelerator being switched on</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Home to You

That’s okay. That is totally normal. People flirting with him. Oliver Queen flirting with him. His mind short circuited. His finger played with the ring on his finger. Oliver’s gaze dropping to that. Barry smiling. Oliver was apologizing. It was sweet. Something that he didn’t expect from Oliver. Felicity was by the door. She tried not to laugh. Poor Oliver. That was okay though. It was always nice to now when someone is interested in you. Especially Oliver Queen. If it wasn’t for his husband, he would take up his offer. Really. But there was Len. His Len. His beautiful, idiotic Len who was at home, planning his next design. They never kept secrets but Len promised that this was going to be big. He knew it would affect them both, but Barry had faith in his partner. It was what he always told Barry. It was the tattoo on his chest under his heart. Have a little faith.

 

He smiled as he waited for the train. Oliver had offered to fly him home but Len was going to be there at the station. He declined politely. He had sneaked into the Arrow Cave to drop off a small token. A key feature missing from The Arrows get up. His ticket was with the guard and bags loaded onto the train. The bare carriage was a peaceful break from the bustling town of Starling. The sun cast down a soft light over his face. The trees flickering faster then his eyes could keep up with. He was tired and wanting to be in Len’s arms. His body sagging in the seat. Tiredness was a friend these days, keeping company whether Barry wanted it or not. He tried to keep his eyes open. His focus directed around the train. Counting what he saw, noting the smells, maybe not. His hair felt dirty and gritty. Clothes were itchy. He couldn’t wait for a wash. To do laundry. Eat homemade food. The echo of his stomach rumbling would have embarrassed him if there were others to hear it. His back snuggled into the sticky green leather of the chair. Home. That is what he was waiting for. 

 

His body jerked off of the chair and onto the floor that was covered in things that he didn’t want to know about. There were people looking down on him. The story of his life really. He shifted back into his seat. His legs were jittery. He was excited to be home. Get back into routine. Sleep in his bed. Be with the man he loves. See the particle accelerator. The last one was coming up in a few days. Two days. 43 hours. Actually, it was 42 hours, 53 minutes and 18 seconds. He really was starting to pick up on Lens traits. He couldn’t help it. He was excited. All his life he had idolised Harrison Wells. To be the man he was like. Someone Harrison Wells would call friend. He was ecstatic that the particle accelerator was being turned on and that he could see it. Be there in the presence of one of the greatest influences on Barry’s life. 

 

The lights of Central City graced his face. His mouth turning to a smile at the sight of home coming into view. He watched the people around him start to gather their things. Bags and bodies knocking into each other as they all readied to leave. Barry waited it out. He was never in a rush. Being the first to alight transport. Being early to work. Cooking dinner on time. Even when it came to walking, he was never a fast learner. His mums words written into his skin near his ankle. He’ll walk when he has somewhere to go. His reminder to himself. Always go where you are lead to. It was how he met Len. His feet lead him to the exit and that ran him into knocking Len over. He was startled. Len was on the floor. Not so much love at first sight as hey asshole move. Barry did apologies, eventually. After running to Len again. This time Len was the one to knock into Barry, spilling his coffee over Barry’s shirt. He offered to by Len a new coffee. Len offering to buy Barry dinner instead. That worked much better in the long run. Three years later and one silver band on his finger, he was happy. They may not be legally married but it was better then nothing. 

 

There was a tap on the window. Barry twisting around to see a smiling Len. His feet took him to where he needed. Almost forgetting to grab his bags. Two arms wrapped around him. He melted into the embrace. His bag was on the floor next to him forgotten. Len’s face in front of him. Hands on his waist. Barry’s hands pulling on the lapels of Len’s jacket. Kissing Len felt like home. The familiar scent of Len’s aftershave. The taste of his mouth. The small little sounds that either of their mouths made. It was him feeling whole again after four nights away. It was three nights too long. A ladies announcement over the phone pulled them a part. Barry keeping his hands on Len. He rested his forehead against his, just wanting to be in the moment for a second. Len laughing at the ridiculousness of his husband. Loving him no matter what. He linked their hand together, picking up Barry’s bad with his other. 

 

Their small apartment was only five blocks from the train station. Barry happy to walk to distance. Len listening to him ramble about the meeting with Oliver Queen, to meeting with the Arrow.

 

“Well it was nice of him to not shoot you,” Len shook his head at his husbands pout.

 

“He wasn’t that bad,” Barry blushed.

 

“Oh really Scarlet, pray tell what exactly was The Arrow like,” Lens voice dropped. Barry hated the nickname Scarlet. It wasn’t his fault he blushed all the time.

 

“Jealous?” Barry stopped in his tracks, tugging on Lens hand to face him.

 

“Nope, I know you’re mine,” Len smirked.

 

“Want me to be?” Len stepped forward, his nose bumping against Barry’s.

 

“No,” Barry stumbled out.

 

“You sure about that?” Len was teasing him and Barry hated that it was working.

 

“Very,” Barry nodded, swallowing what it was that had dried his throat.

 

Len jealous is one of Barry’s favourite things. He wasn’t possessive or stalkerish. He made sure that people knew who Barry was with. Not in the ‘you belong to me and only me way,” but more in the “you and me, we make sense.” Barry was to one who was hesitant about starting the relationship. Not because of Len but himself. He was always unsure what it was that Len saw in him. Len was out to prove how much Barry was worth it. His lab was full of flowers and chocolates and these paper cranes that Len always snuck in. He never did find out how Len managed those. Barry was just a young CSI with way too much to prove and a father in jail. He never had much to offer. Len never saw him like that. Len saw him for the hope that he had, the belief in his father and the loyalty to his friends. Len was more then life. His job as a structural engineer was booming, his relationship with Barry was steady and he was on the rise. Barry could feel it. This was going to be a good year for them.


	2. Lightning Strikes through Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry just wanted to have date night with Len and see the particle accelerator be switched on

He hatred for early morning starts was down to that rude beeping that woke him in the first place. He hated that alarm clock. Didn’t matter how cool it was. Darth Vader Lego or not. The alarm clock was evil. It truly was the dark side. Trying to get him out of bed when his husbands arm was trying to keep him in bed. His nice warm bed. That was not evil. That had his husband in it. Said husband who was kissing up his neck. Barry knew he needed to get to work. He was always running late. Mostly due to Len. But the feeling of having a good night sleep. It was too tempting to stay. Maybe he could call in sick. Len’s arm tugged him against his chest. Barry was definitely wanting to call in sick. Len had the morning off. Hopefully to get Barry off. 

 

“You’re doing that thing where you speak out loud, Barr,” Len kissed along his jaw.

 

“Are you complaining about what was said?” He wiggled around, his hip knocking into Len’s as he tried to turn around.

 

“Never,” Len gave him room to roll over to face him. 

 

“Good,” He smiled. 

 

He knew how this would play out. He would try to kiss Len. Len would angle his face away. He would try again. Len would still be annoying. It was their morning ritual. Had been since they moved in together. He never wanted to change it. His nose twitched as he bumped into Len’s. Len’s laughter made a smile cross his face. The sound of his laughter was one of the purest sounds Barry would ever hear. It was followed by buzzing from his phone. That equalled crime scene. The look on Len’s face meant Len knew it to. His arms giving Barry space to answer the call. 

 

“Joe?” His voice was still waking up.

 

“Crime scene, west of the prescient, ten minutes,” Joe was rushing.

 

“Be there,” He hummed, hopefully saying words. 

 

“Good, say hi to Leonard for me and remind him to bring the salad on Sunday,” Joe laughed at Barry’s groan. Both men hanging up.

 

“Crime?” Len laid on his back, Barry thinking it was an unfair tactic. Len just wanted to stretch.

 

“Yeah,” Barry groaned, he wish he could just speed things up, getting showered and the mundane things in his life. Just to spend that extra time in bed. 

 

“Well, you should probably shower,” Len pretend to smell him.

 

“Rude,” He pouted.

 

“I could help you,” Len laughed at Barry pushing him out of bed. Maybe he could be a little late.

 

Ten minutes late and three hickeys. He was impressed. The Captain wasn’t and Joe was trying not to laugh. Singh didn’t care that Barry was with his husband. They had dinner every fortnight. What he did care about was Barry constantly being late. Even before he started dating Len. He at least had an excuse now. And evidence given how the hickeys were clear on his neck. It wasn’t scarf weather so he was annoyed. Len was extra protective of him after an incident with another officer. After that, Len would be there to pick Barry up from work. Joe kept an eye on him. Singh even came to his lab to talk, not yell. It was nice. Smothering at times but nice. 

 

Crime scenes were mostly the same. Go and gather evidence. Make an idiot of himself. Embarrass two other people, on a good day. Go back to the lab and hit head on desk. Repeat. It was his cycle. He knew the ins and outs of it. The only bad timing about this crime scene was its ability to interrupt the one time he had plans. Plans that couldn’t be rearranged. The Particle accelerator being switched on. Len had promised to take him as their date night. Now date night was going to be him in the lab and Len alone in his office. What a good night that is. 

 

He rubbed his head from where he had hit the table. This was going to be a long night. He was grateful for Len coming by for lunch. The look in his eyes when Barry told him he couldn’t make date night hurt him. Len understood the pressures of late hours. It didn’t mean it still didn’t suck. Len nodded. He knew that the case was important. The Mardon brothers had been committing crimes for so long. This may be a good chance to end it once and for all. 

 

“I will walk around, take in the cold air,” Len and his love of the cold.

 

“I will get home as soon as I can,” Barry promised.

 

“I know, Scarlet,” Len winked, pulling Barry in for a kiss that left him weak in the knees.

 

“I love you,” Barry lent his forehead against Len’s.

 

“I know,” Len smirked. Barry pushing his shoulder.

 

Barry sighed. He just wanted to be home. In the warmth. Or watching Harrison Wells give his speech. Both were as tempting as the other. He stared at his board. The board he kept on hopes of freeing his father. He knew that he didn’t kill his mother. Henry loved Nora. It was the love story that kept faith in him. He met Len and got butterflies. The same type that his mother used to tell him about. That feeling that this person is going to change your world and you can’t do anything but hold on and not let them go. He didn’t. He held onto Len through all that they had gone through. Fights and late nights. Disasters dates and mistakes. Neither letting the other get away with it. They were both on equal grounds. Partners.

 

His eyes glanced over to the clock. 8 o’clock. Particle accelerator is turned on. His feet taking him over to the window. His head resting on the shaking glass. That shouldn’t be shaking. His eyes widened at the sight over where Star Labs should be. White yellow light nearly blinded him. His body acting on impulse. His hands were gripped onto the metal chain. He needed to get the roof close. Get it shut up before the explosion hit here. He looked around him as serene quiet took over the lab. Chemicals were defying gravity. His hands gripped tighter. He tried pulling it close. His eyes saw the bolt before his body felt it. Lightning straight through him.


	3. Make a career out of robbing banks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Len had a plan, had the design, he just needed to pawns to use to get what he wanted

The yard wasn’t much better then what he was expecting in his head. He looked around for those eyes. The ones that Barry had pasted down from his father. Henry was going to be angry. Pissed even. But Len had to do this. He needed to do this. His brother wasn’t going to die. Not alone. He listened to Mardon giving him the run-down of the yard. Where to sit. Where not to sit. Who to talk to. Who not to even go near. Len tried to listen and nod along. His heart was pounding when he saw Mick. He headed over to the fence. Mardon following him along. 

 

“Mick Rory, we call him Heatwave, burned a house down with the governor’s brother inside, what’s he to you?” Mardon lent on the fence. 

 

“He’s my brother,” The reason he was in here. The reason for this mess. He had no ties to the outside world. His world was in a coma. Dying. Even Star labs were running out of hope. He needed to do this. All his life it was him, Mick and Lisa. The three of them against the world. Lisa went to ice-skating. Mick went to fire. He was in the middle. Until Barry. Barry. The one who gave him his hope back. That spark that had been missing from his life. The air in his lungs and fire in his soul. He was the reason Len was out to prove himself. Prove to Joe that he was suitable for his son. Prove to Lewis that Len could be a better man. Prove to himself that he was not the man he was led to believe he could be. Only be. He was so much more. Better. Even if he was behind bars now. He had the plan. It was embedding in him, Running through his skin. Ready to be initiated. He just needed to make sure the right people were on it. 

 

“Yeah, there is no way you can talk to him, sorry man,” Mardon sounded sympathetic enough. 

 

Mardon was his cellmate. Nice enough. Engaged to a girl called Shawna on the outside. A nice girl. Nurse in fact. He had met her twice. She worked for Star Labs. Was caring for Barry. Keeping him alive. He hoped.

 

“It’s hard to get to talk to anyone without people noticing,” Damn. There was that tone that he first heard when he met the man. 

 

“Henry,” Len turned. His back to the fence. Henry Allen. A good man. An innocent man. Locked away because the system was too afraid to listen to the wards of a 10 year old. 

 

“Leonard,” Henry shook his head. His eyes were weary. Tired. His voice was disappointed. He knew Henry would be. He was disappointed in himself for a bit. Leaving Barry in the coma. No one to be there. Holding his hand. Singing to him. Letting him know how loved he is. To get him to come back. Back to his family. His friends. To him. 

 

“I’m going head, you, yeah,” Mardon saluted Len. Nodding to Henry. 

 

“Len,” Henry shook his head. He hated that sound. The disappointment in his voice. Henry was not his father. Not like Lewis. But he hated making him sad. Making him disappointed in him. He didn’t care for Lewis. He knew Lewis was there. Watching over the yard like he owned it. Thinking that he did. Henry was a good patient man. Len could see where Barry did not get that from. Henry always said that Barry was like his mother. Fiery and full of love. The happiest in the darkest of times. He would be the one to push you forward when your feet dragged you back. Barry was Henrys hope and Lens life. 

 

“We should talk,” Len nodded to a vacant table and chairs. He wasn’t sure how this conversation was going to go. He needed Henry to understand. Mick was family. Blood. Barry was his everything. He couldn’t let Mick die without doing something. 

 

“Len why?” Henry sat opposite to him. From the outside eye. It looked like to gentleman talking. From his point of view. Henry wanted to understand. He had taken Len under his wing. Offered him a place in his house when he wasn’t physically there. He even gave him permission to marry Barry. He was what a father should be like. What a father should be like. Not the scum he had instead. 

 

“Mick,” And there was the nod. The understanding. The look of hope that Henry saw in him. The same look he gave Barry. Gives Barry.

 

“Barry?” Henry wanted to know.

 

“Close to nine months know, I can’t, even if he does, it would have been too late for this,” Len didn’t want to give him the details. Not due to mistrust. He didn’t want Henry to get blame or in trouble for Lens wrong doing. This was his choice. His design.

 

“I hope you know what you are doing, son,” Son. The first time Henry called him that Len tried not to cry. The love and warmth both the Allen men had in them. It was contagious. You couldn’t help smile. Be happy in their presences. Jail was gloomy and dull but Henry helped people. He gave advice to the young and spoke to the old. He was the man that people came to with issues. Even the high of the highs gave him that respect. 

 

“I hope so too,” Len really did. He needed this to work. He had been planning it for months. He hated lying to Barry. But it needed to be done. He didn’t want Barry in this. Involved in the mess. In the heat of it. He felt that feeling. That ice running through his veins. Wanting to escape. He held it in. Kept in contained. Now was not the time for that. He didn’t know what would happen. Didn’t want to find out either. 

 

“Good thing you’re both here,” Bellick. He was going to be Lens nightmare. He hadn’t even managed to change through without catching his attention.

 

“What can we do for you, boss?” Lay low and keep your head down.

 

“It’s about Barry,” He looked at both of them. Len and Henry sharing a glance.

 

“He’s awake,”


	4. Hold me close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry Wakes Up

There was a bright light in his face. Not the one you are told to stay away from. One that was blinding him. Making him not want to open his eyes. To wake up. His eyes were blinking open. Two faces looking down on him. Who were they. Where the hell was he. This wasn’t the hospital. Not one he knew of anyway. He tried to remember what happened. The particle accelerator. The storm. The lightning. That bolt. He sat up. His body was confused and disorientated. He felt dizzy and something else. Like there was this charge waiting to ignite. There was one of them, the female, Dr. Snow she said her name was. She was prodding him and poking him. The other, Cisco he thinks, looks elated that he is alive.

 

“Where am I?” Barry looked around. None of this looked familiar. 

 

“Dude, you’re at Star Labs, you’ve been in a coma for nine months,” Cisco pointed out. Nine months? Where was Iris and Joe and Len? He needed his family.

 

“I need you to pee into this,” The Doctor was by his side. What wait? He was not doing that. 

 

He jumped out of the bed. He looked around him. Taking in his surroundings. He looked at the machines and monitors that were connected to him. Around him. Closing in on him. One showing his vitals. Another on himself.

 

“Lightning gave me abs?” That was new. He had never read of that. Only of the marks. Marks that will scar him now. Oh god. What if Len hated them. What if he couldn’t look at them. 

 

“I need to go,” Barry looked around for something. He needed a shirt. Or jumper. Sweatshirt. That will do.

 

“Mr. Allen, good to see you are awake,” Holy shit. He told himself not to freak. It was rare to meet your idols. Len told him never to be upset by that. But there was Harrison Wells. In the flesh. Sitting in front of him. 

 

“Ah yeah, hi,” He scratched the back of his neck. He wanted to stay but really needed to go. He needed to let his dad know he was okay. To let Iris know. To let his husband know. 

 

“You should rest Mr. Allen,” Harrison looked at him. Like there was something Barry could offer. 

 

“I really need to go,” Barry was already heading towards the exit. His feet stopping and turning on the stop.

 

“Can I keep the sweatshirt?” He asked. It was the right thing to do.

 

“Yes, Mr. Allen,” Barry smiled. Racing off to tell his family that he was alive. He knew Len would be hard at work. He always threw himself into work when trying to avoid a situation or not think about the worst possible outcome. Maybe Barry could surprise him for lunch. 

 

He knew where to go. Jitters. Iris should be working. He hoped. A lot can change in nine months. He wonders how his dad is. If they told him about the incident. Why Barry was visiting as often. How Joe was at work. If he still had his job. If Iris was okay. He kicked up his pace. Making his way to Jitters. He made the plan as he ran. Iris then Joe then Len. He was saving Len for last because he hoped that he may be able to get the afternoon off. He was excited to sleep next to his husband. Have that feeling of warmth surround him. Love him. Suffocate him in the best way possible. 

 

The bell above the door gave his sneak attack away. Iris looked up to see the new customer. Dropping the coffee over the floor. The regulars didn’t mind. They knew who Barry was. Even their faces were lit with happiness. Iris ran straight to him. Into his arms.   
Barry wrapping his arms around her. Spinning her. He was elated. She was okay.

 

“You’re okay, you’re awake, why didn’t Star Labs call us?” Iris was speaking at that hundred miles per minute that she had perfected when they were younger.

 

“I just woke up,” Barry smiled. It felt good to stand.

 

“Bear, I watched you die, your heart, it stopped beating,” She smiled sadly. Her eyes gazing over his face.

 

“I’m alive, hearts still beating,” He held her hand over his heart. Iris smiling brightly. She must have been terrified. All of them.

 

“Where is dad? Is he okay?” Iris lead him over to a small booth in the corner. She told him to sit and wait. She went to grab two glasses of water.

 

“You must be thirsty,” She pushed the glass over the table. Barry gulping it down. Not realizing the dryness in his throat. She offered him the other. Laughing at his sheepish grin.

 

“Dad is okay, so is yours, they will both be happy to know you are okay,” Iris reached over to link their hands together. They did this for comfort. It was the touch of knowing someone was there. Starting when Barry’s mum died. 

 

“Bear, there is something you should know?” Iris looked down. Breathing out a deep long sigh. That was never a good sign.

 

“What is it? Are you okay? You said Joe was fine? Is it Len?” Her eyes shot up at the mention of Lens name. Oh god. What had happened. There was no way Len would have left him. Never. The only reason that may happen would be…

 

“Is Mick okay?” Barry breathed out.

 

“His execution date was pushed forward, Bear, it’s in a month,” Barry breathed in fast. Iris was next to him. Telling him to breath in and out. Like he was taught to. To focus on her voice.

 

“But, how, why? They were appealing it,” Barry shook his head. He needed answers. He needed Len.

 

“Where’s Len?” Barry stood up. Iris pulling him back into his seat.

 

“You should sit for this one,” Iris ran her hand over his shoulders.

 

“Iris?” Barry looked at her. Sadness was covering her eyes. She was biting on her lip. Not wanting to say what it was that she needed to tell him.

 

“He is alive, isn’t he?” Barry barely was able to get the words out. His hands were shaking. Heart beating feeling like it would burst out of his chest.

 

“Len is in jail, Bear, he was sent to Iron Heights two days ago,” And like that, Barry felt the lightning striking his heart all over again.


	5. Oh lover, where are you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry thinks he is dreaming, he has to be, right?

He couldn’t breathe. He felt the world around him moving in slow motion. The waitress tripping over. The pot in her hand falling down. All in a slow pace. The way in films. The stuff of the screen. He focused on his hands. Watching them. Feeling them. He needed to get out. He needed to go to Lens office and see him. Iris was joking. She had to be joking. There was no way that Len would go to, not unless, but he wouldn’t. would he? No. That isn’t Len. He is a good man. With a good heart. He wasn’t a man to go to jail. Not willingly. He was the man who got up at 6am every morning. Went for a run. Had dinner with Barry’s parents. Rung his sister. Looked after Iris when she was sick. Helped Barry on the anniversary. Went to Henry and Joe and Iris when he wanted to propose. He was the solid rock in the foundation that Barry stood upon. To have that away. In Iron Heights. Barry shook his head. He knew he was mumbling to himself. He could feel Iris pulling him from the seat. Hearing her voice call to someone. His legs were shaking. He had tears in his eyes. Why would Len go?

 

“It’s okay, Bar, it’s okay, lets just get you some fresh air,” She was pulling him away from the café. Out into the small alleyway. He needed to breathe. He needed air. He could feel himself shaking. His body was on high alert. Iris was talking to him. He couldn’t focus. 

 

“Barry, your hand?” He looked down to what she was talking about.

 

“What’s happening to me?” He stared at her. He could feel energy running through him. His legs taking off. Body following with. He was down the alley. In seconds. That shouldn’t be possible.

 

“Bear?” Iris just stared. He run back to her. Like he hadn’t even moved.

 

“What was that?” He shook his head. He had no idea. He was trying to focus. He needed to. He couldn’t just do that whenever his nerves got to him. 

 

“I have an idea who might know,” He looked up at her. Sadness was taken over by concern. He understood. He didn’t know what to think. He had woken up from a 9 month coma. Found out his husband is in jail, his brother-in-law was to be executed within the. Oh. No. 

 

“No, no, no,no,no, he wouldn’t, he couldn’t, I mean, he could, he had the, which is what he was, I mean, that’s why he, how does that, why, this was happening before, all those times at Iron Heights, maybe, no, don’t think like that, he loves you, together, partners, that was his words, he cares, he just, fuck,” Barry was pacing at what he hoped was a normal level. 

 

“Barry, hey, bear, it’s okay, talk it out, I’m here,” Iris was in front of him. He feel into her arms. Crying. Again. Fuck.

 

“What if he didn’t love me? What if he was only using me to get to Iron Heights, to see the facility, to lay out how to get in and get out, to break his brother out of prison, what if it was all a joke?” His voice was so quiet. 

 

“No Bear, he wouldn’t have, he doesn’t, he loves you so much, he married you, remember, look down, that ring there, that is you and him forever, partners,” She wiped away his tears. Barry shaking. His body felt like it was vibrating. He didn’t understand anything. He felt like he was still part of the coma. Still in a dream. Maybe this was a dream. A horrible, horrible dream. No one goes through lightning and comas to wake up to this. To running. To abilities. To lonliness. Do they? 

 

“But, I just, how can he, if he did, I mean,” Barry shook. He wasn’t making sense. He knew he wasn’t. 

 

“Barry, look at me,” She tilted his head up. Looking him dead in the eyes.

 

“Am I wake?” He whispered. Her face saying it all. He slumped down. Iris holding him up. Close to her. Close to his family.

 

“How about we go see dad?” She nodded. He moving his feet with hers. His mind in chaos. He knew Len loved him. He was the first one to say it. Barry remembers getting so caught up in how to say it. When to say it. Trying to find the right time and then Len just came out of the blue and said it one Wednesday morning. They were fighting. Len working long hours. Barry barely eating. It was a nightmare. They were tired and exhausted. Barry just wanting to see his boyfriend. Len was yelling. And then it happened. Len just yelled ‘because I love you,’ at him and Barry felt everything else disappear. He leapt into Len’s arms. Kissing him over and over again. Both men repeating the word. The fight over. Just like that. Len using those words to his advantage over stupid fights now. Barry used to hate it. Now. He just wanted to hear them. 

 

He barely noticed the streets around them. His feet taking him where Iris was going. Upstairs. Into places. The sound of sighs and joy. Arms patting him. Him nodding to them. Joe. Joe’s arms around him. Holding him. Hugging him. Barry crying again. Gripping onto the man who was basically his father. He shook his head. Trying to control his emotions. Tears coming out all over again.

 

“Why didn’t they call?” Joe help onto him. Scared to let him go. Barry knew the feeling.

 

“He just woke up,” Iris answered for him. He knew they were having a quiet conversation. He wanted to listen. To be a part of it. He couldn’t. His mind was being too loud. Too distracting. Too cruel. 

 

“Oh Barr, why don’t we get something to eat, I can feel you in,” Barry just nodded along. His feet moving him again. All he wanted to do was go home and sleep. Wake in his husbands arms. He guesses that isn’t going to happen for a long time. He thinks he felt his heart break. So this is what that’s like.


End file.
